Risky Prayers
I just realized it was two years ago this month. Our women's ministry was at an exciting point of bringing in a key note speaker for our fall retreat. Kristi was dynamic and passionate -- about women's ministry, God's Word, and God Himself. She invested in me as the women's ministry champion of our church, through the phone calls before she came, and the hours we spent together while she was here. Because women's ministry is a foreign concept to our town, I was so refreshed to be with her. Younger than I am, she had been doing women's ministry for about ten years, a full time staff member of her church, doing the kind of ministry my heart longed to be a part of. She was contagious in every way.
Kristi set the tone of the retreat and her talks with a compelling urgency. She didn't want to talk to us about warm fuzzy faith, feel good theology, and light hearted stories. She wanted Jesus to come to our hearts and bring forth radical transformation. Kristi taught us a breath prayer (a prayer that is said in one breath, so short that it can be repeated frequently throughout the day) that I began praying at the retreat. The prayer is, "Do the deep soul work, Lord!!"
What does this "deep soul work" mean? To me it means that I want God to do whatever it takes in my life to bring forth greater wholeness and redemption in me. It means that I'm allowing Him to fully come in, and I want His Spirit to root out anything that keeps me from His best. It means I'm praying He would take me deeper with Him, and not allow me to live in a shallow, heartless faith.
Shortly after our women's retreat, Todd went on a mission trip to Haiti. I carried this deep soul work prayer over to include my husband, and that God would accomplish a rich purpose in the Haiti team. I trust God worked in each team member in a significant and unique way. Todd was so moved by Haiti that I began to wonder if God was calling us forward in missions. He has been planting seeds in our hearts for missions in numerous ways over the years, and I saw Haiti as a seed that would reap fruit one day. It has all kinds of ripple effects.
Todd came home from Haiti, and within a short couple of weeks he had to leave a job he loved. It was the start of a road we never would have asked for...or did we? My risky prayers were being answered. Like being beckoned out on a limb, but into the safest, richest place we could ever be. Sometimes scary, never ho-hum, definitely adventurous, and more alive than ever before.
Sara Groves has put music to so many feelings I've had on this road. "What I thought I wanted, and what I got instead, leaves me broken and grateful. I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful."
I want to be broken? Surely not. Ouch! Last night I read, "Those who have been gripped by the power of the Holy Spirit and are used for God's glory are those who have been broken in their finances, broken in their self-will, broken in their ambitions, broken in their lofty ideals, broken in their worldly reputation, broken in their desires, and often broken in their health. Yes, He uses those who are despised by the world and who seem totally hopeless and helpless, just as Isaiah said: 'The lame will carry off plunder.' (Isaiah 33:23)" Streams in the Desert
What deep soul work does God have in mind for us? Are there areas (maybe a few of those listed in Streams: finances, self-will, ambition, ideals, reputation, desires, health) that we need to open up and allow Him full access? Or do we pull back and refuse Him?
posted by Julie R. @ 1:17 AM
4 Comments:
Thanks Julie. Perhaps I'll try your breath prayer this week.
Here goes nothing...
How do you keep the fear subsided while on that limb?
Charity,
It would be fun to hear some dialogue on that question -- it's a great one. Any takers?
Some might try to spiritualize and say "perfect love casts out fear"(1 John 4:17). (Isn't that the Sunday School response?) Out of curiosity, I just looked that up and saw the context for the first time. It is talking about our assurance of our salvation -- we need not fear judgment day because we have His Spirit as our guarantee that He lives in us and will spend eternity with Him (see v. 13). The fear talked about in v. 17 is talking about fear of punishment (ie. eternal damnation).
I find that very interesting, because it seems when Christian circles quote that verse they are preaching we shouldn't have fear. That's insane. The reality is that we do! If we didn't have fear, then you wouldn't find so many verses of encouragement that say "do not fear..." Those words of "do not fear" acknowledge and validate our emotions (it names it), and offer comfort as God extends His presence in it. We are to look beyond the fear to embrace Him in the midst of it.
If we are raw, authentic, and vulnerable, I believe we'd have to confess the reality is that we do have fear. That's part of being out on that limb. God will challenge us to things way outside of our comfort zones. We will face hardship and trials for sure.
This may be way too long of an answer, so I'll get to the point. I think the thing you do with the fear is own up to it. Agree with God about it. Tell Him this is hard, or this hurts, or this feels like it could kill me. Cry out to Him, "I want to trust You more," -- to believe He is faithful and trustworthy and good even when my circumstances aren't. I think He would gladly take our authenticity, desiring to give Him who we really are, than to be covered in a mask of pretense that is outside the realm of reality.
When we journeyed through the adoption process, we heard many comments like "you just have such strong faith"...as if it were easy for us. The reality is, to which we try to openly testify, there were still the moments that it was so hard -- stretched, out on a limb, fears, anxiety. We kept going anyway. God met us there, in the midst of emotions and challenging circumstances. Fear may or may not subside, but I want to stay open to Him and ultimately press on either way (even if that means I may stumble or want to crawl back under the covers and hide...)
How do you keep the fear subsided? You don't. You just press on, knees shaking, praying not the oh-so-spiritual prayers that you've been taught, but the 911 prayer, "Jesus help me!"
And then one day you notice that your knees aren't shaking.
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