Shattered

Only my God could be so amazing. He has a way of wooing me that just makes my heart melt. While His timing can be agonizing at times, there are days He just comes in with a flash and I know His signature. Puts the twinkle in my eye every time.

I am going to be gut level honest because that is all that I'm learning how to do. I have very much felt like I'm dying inside lately. The journey to the healing of my heart is found on a road of incredible pain. Word pictures are the only things right now that can really embrace my anguish. Almost without profound description, I can feel it with clarity and know that my heart has expressed its grief.

Just yesterday, I was trying to put words to the raw cut up feeling in my heart. It came to me that it was like my heart was a shattered piece of pottery, crashing to the ground. All of my insides, the depths of me that I hadn't even seen before or realized, are suddenly exposed and broken. The sharp pieces cut me and I bleed. Not just a drop, but gushers that burst out from the core of me. It is a fresh wound, like when you feel the slice of a knife and it stings.

Enter in God's precision in timing. Today I tuned in to Rob Bell's sermon for this week. He started the sermon with what could only be a piece of pottery, crashing to the ground, shattered. To say it got my attention would be insufficient. It was uncanny. I'll close with some parts that resonated with me...

• A disciple of Jesus is done pretending that everything is alright. Deeply broken.
• First and foremost of being a disciple is to come to the end of pretending I’m fine. I’m sick of pretending.
• A disciple is someone who understands the work of God is to put each of us back together.
• In recovery, you are done pretending, fully in tune with your own brokenness. Make it known, stop hiding and trying to do it alone, get help, the end of our own strength, letting God put the pieces back together.
• Our calling, then, is in the healing and repair of the world. Jesus saved you to put you back together -- in turn you take part in the redemption and healing of a broken world.

Enough said? I am certain He has spoken. The cool thing about when God speaks, it is as good as done.