Thus Far

I have counted 75 times that I have given Emma medicine this week. It's a lot to keep track of, but the paper on the frig works just fine. I realized I can handle all the bowls and spoons we've gone through of sherbet or chicken noodle soup. We've gone through boxes of popsicles and bottles of tylenol and gatorade. I've been homebound and skipped the makeup and contacts. We can do this and get through it.

The last two nights, however, have gripped my heart. The recovery has gone so smoothly. Emma hasn't complained about medicine (not too much, anyway) or being woken in the night, or taking sips of gatorade. The past two nights got the best of her though. The steroids have worn off that were intended to jump start her recovery. She is tired of feeling bad. The pain has increased, and she just sobbed and shook in fear. After calming her and going back to sleep, she woke up again crying in pain, even before the last dose had worn off and before she was eligible for more.

Servanthood is one thing, but watching your child suffer is another. I don't mind going up and down the stairs in the middle of the night for a popsicle so that she can swallow. But watching her hurting and crying when she wants to be sleeping? I want to take her pain for her, and let her rest.

I've taken the role of cheerleader. "Emma, you've come so far!! You can do this!! Jesus is healing you and taking care of you. Every day you are closer to feeling great." But I'm not sure if I'm more telling her or myself. I pour on words of love and affirmation and encouragement, stroke her cheek or her hair or rub her back. I think somehow it helps us both feel a little better.

As we do in our household, it's time for a celebration. This marks the one week mark on her surgery. It wasn't hard to think of something uplifting to do. How about homemade chocolate chip cookies to warm our heart and cheer our spirit!

When something feels long, and believe me we have had those times in our journey even as we speak, I like to remember what Samuel did in 1 Samuel 7:12. "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us." It was time to build an altar of praise, remembering "thus far". No matter how long this takes or what lies ahead of us, the LORD has helped us. He will continue to carry us through.