Reborn

The road to success had an abrupt ending. The Veggie Tale dream died. Phil Vischer's daily goal was transformed to simply wait on God. He shared his testimony of what happened through that experience:

Weeks and months passed. Suddenly it struck me, I didn't care anymore. I didn't feel the need to do anything. I didn't need to have any impact at all. My needs were met by the scripture I was reading and the life of prayer I was developing. My passion was shifting from impact to God. It took several months but what I started to feel I can only describe as a sense of giving up, of dying, and it scared me at first because I wasn't sure at first what exactly in me was dying. But then one day it was clear. It was my ambition -- it was my will -- it was my hopes -- my dreams -- my life. I was ready to be done. Ready to rest in Him and let everything else fall away. It was painful, but when it was over, I was reborn. The next step and new ideas came from or were confirmed during a time of waiting on God.

The first year that Todd and I were out of full time pastoral ministry, we were dramatically slowed down. I think that was crucial for us to be able to hear God and allow Him to rework our thinking. We thought ministry was our calling. In our little box of thinking, ministry meant Todd's job as a pastor. The year of being lifted out, though, we came to realize that ministry is everywhere, every day, sharing God's love and presence with whomever God brings in our path. It is being available. Willing. Ready. For anything that He asks.

I can relate to Phil Vischer's testimony. Much of my ambitions, hopes and dreams died that year. But after that painful death, came a new life reborn. One that wants simply to rest in Him, and follow His lead in the smallest of detail. It didn't matter what or where, everything else could fall away save this: cast me not away from Your presence, O Lord, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. I didn't have to do, I just wanted to be His child. The rest is just fluff. I told God He could have me if He wanted me, that I was willing to be used by God, or willing to rest in Him. My identity didn't depend on what I did for Him or what my title was. I was His, and that was enough.