Lessons

It would be great if I could some how connect my mind and my heart to an automatic journal that would just type out whatever I was processing. It is a challenge because I love detail, I love the fuller picture that has so many layers and truths knitted into the tapestry. It's interesting however, because even though I find that to be so rich and full, at the moment all of that just seems to make me feel tired. My head has been spinning too much for too long.

While I had great intentions of blogging several days in a row of the things that God is speaking to me, reality hits, days are full, and my heart overflows to a point that I can't keep up to type it all out. I now find myself slowing down, letting the dross burn off, and finally reflecting on what is left. Maybe that's a good thing. Even though I haven't burned the keyboard with passionate fingers, I have calmed my heart and watched what has settled in place. Sifting through the details, I'm now taking a deep breath, ready to find the best that remains.

Several things came to me in the last week or two: a cd of a conference talk, a newsletter from Shaohannah's Hope, a sermon from Asbury, daily readings in God's Word from my devotional time, and scriptures that I was helping my cousin to prepare for a Bible Study talk. It makes the learning so much more meaningful for me if I tie it in to what God is speaking to my heart personally -- for today, for this season, tangible lessons that speak to my present tense faith.

For more than 18 years, I have wanted to live fully for God. In every major decision I made -- where I went to college, who I would marry, where I would live, what jobs or ministries I would take on -- they were based on what I felt God leading me to do. I'm quite certain that I have at times missed the mark, but I have strived to show God my love by following His lead and serving where He has me.

The trouble is I have often been so driven, so determined to do things, that I have missed out on just being. Even without trying, life in ministry is busy -- whether it is full time pastoral work, or leading a women's ministry as a volunteer. With both of those set aside, I feel freed up to just be for a little while. I can see more clearly that I have had great dreams for God in my desire to serve Him -- but at times I have entangled my own ideas and wants that kept me from embracing His.

If I looked at the connections of all these different things that have come my way, the lesson is not new but it is loud and clear:

Wait on Him.

Let go of everything we hold onto except for Him.

Let God teach us more of His heart, so that His desires become ours.

That's my nutshell of what God is speaking to me. He will show us what is next for us, but for now we can rest in His arms as He makes these lessons so tender to our hearts. This is where we are, fleshing out our faith in the real stuff of life.