A Relationship of Trust

I am very drawn to the call of adoption -- puzzled that we didn't even sense it on our radars until God brought it right before our eyes, and awestruck at how God is stirring hearts in the Body of Christ to embrace precious orphans (the least of these to the world, but children of promise to Him) all across the nation. Hearing a story of adoption is like sitting in the front seat for a God-show. It is a miracle in the making.

We received a Shaohannah's Hope newsletter in the mail a few weeks ago. (If you haven't heard of it, Shaohannah's Hope is a grant program founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman to help families with the financial needs of adoption.) I like to read the testimonies of the families who have adopted or are in the process. I really thought that it would just be a warm reminder of our own story, and a faith builder as we watch God in action in the families of others. Instead, my heart was convicted.

The cover story talked about a family who thought they were done having kids. (Sounds familiar already. Lived it.) They had two biological boys and adopted a little girl from China. They thought their family was complete -- until God nudged their hearts. They came up with excuses like being too tired...too old...too poor. But then they took part in 40 Days of Purpose with their church. They realized that being here on earth isn't about us. They were moved by God's heart who had another daughter in mind for them. Their obedience led to blessing, and God was faithful to His call. What seemed insurmountable to them -- finding $16,000 for an adoption -- was inconsequential to God. What mattered to God was a small child in China that needed a family and a home, and the gift of blessing He knew she would be to her new family. God made the way.

This resonated with me because I have given Jesus Lordship of my life. I have to daily surrender to Him, and sometimes even moment by moment. If I truly believe that, it means my life isn't mine. God's heart is bleeding for the least, the last, and the lost -- and He wants us to be a vessel He can use to reach out to them.

In Acts 10, God came to Peter in a vision. God's heart was to reach out to the Gentiles, and He was asking Peter to be a part. The vision seemed to counter Jewish law that forbade Peter to eat certain foods. God told Peter that if He told him to, that's what mattered. The Jews were forbidden to relate with the Gentiles, but God was saying if He told him to, than that's what Peter needed to do. Peter was asked to leave his comfort zone, all he knew to be true and right, everything that made sense -- go -- be obedient to what God asked him to do. Why did He send Peter? Because of the love in His heart for the Gentiles. Do we trust the heart of God to move us? Later when Peter had to defend his actions, he said, "Who was I to think that I could oppose God?"

We wait for God to show up and do the miraculous. We wait for direction or answers to prayer. But from His point of view, maybe He is also waiting. He waits for hearts that will be united with His, bleeding for the broken the way His does, and ready to go forth to make a difference where He wants us to go.

Who am I to think I have a say? Who am I to oppose God?

These are important questions when my heart gets off track. There are times I need to shift my attention or my focus. I want to be like David, where God said, "I have found David a man after My own heart; he will do everything I want him to do." Acts 13:22 I want to take the focus off of me, my desires or wants, and see more of the heart of God and what He wants. Then I want to get on His bandwagon, and stop hoping He will jump onto mine.

Being fully yielded to His way can only come about when we trust the goodness of God. We will never fully understand His ways or His reasoning, but we can trust His goodness. He is working a good and purposeful plan. "He surrounds me with loving kindness and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. Psalm 103:4,5 God loves us, and the will of God is always blessing for its loved ones." Hannah Whitall Smith

Yet even after writing all of this, I'm also left wondering. I'm grappling to understand how things fit together. Somewhere intertwined in this desire to be in God's will is our legitimate heart's desire or who God made us to be. I don't think God randomly chose the family above saying "you have to adopt or else you are outside of My will" or the proverbial lightning will strike or whatever. I also don't see us as nonrelational robots that are to just do what we are commanded when God pushes a certain button.

I see this relationship as being one of trust. We trust God enough to share our heart with Him, and we trust that He will lead in the way that is best for us. Even if we'd miss it, we honor Him in the seeking, and He can work in that. We love Him and we want to please Him, but part of giving Him our heart is sharing our desires or feelings -- not to insist on our own way, or even hope for that, as much as to share who we are and be known. He knows our hearts already, but just like being with my husband, I just want to be with him. He can tell me anything he wants, but sometimes it is just being near him that matters the most to me. Maybe God wants that connectedness from us too. Not because He is lacking but because He is relational. In that inner sanctuary, He can hear our hearts and share more of His with us. We can move forward trusting Him with the next step.