Real Life

15 years. We were mere babes at the time (obviously -- because I couldn't possibly be so old), but since then we've lived in four states, and grew from being a couple to being a family of six. We've been learning how to support each other through new jobs, pregnancies and deliveries, ministry, parenting, changes, moods and emotions, and finances. We've dreamed great things together and faced profound pain. We've laughed and played and gotten on each other's nerves. While I started out with idealogies of how grand life can be, I've been toned down a bit with doses of reality. (For as much as I'd like to have Mary Poppin's gift of snapping a room clean, it just doesn't happen.) We've coined a phrase the past few years: "This is real life." And we are living the thing.

Illusions are like a wisp, that when you try to reach for it, it really isn't there. We can create pictures of ideals that look pretty or easy, but in fact they don't even exist. There is a time of grieving the ideals as if we lost something, but they are things we never really had in the first place.

There is a sense of freedom, grace, and depth that comes pouring in when we let go of those ideals and embrace the gift we've been given. Rather than holding on to something superficial or shallow, we exchange it for something of much greater significance and inifinite worth. Herein is the greatest of gifts.

My neighbor is a single mom with two sons. She told me her story in one of our interactions one day. Her husband had an affair and left her. I was very sad for her and admired her courage in trying to rebuild her life with her sons. It was interesting, though, how she perceived our family. I'm not even sure what she based it on, but she described us as "the perfect little family". I assured her we were not.

Imagine if our security was only found on still waters. Only neat and tidy rooms, good moods, and strong health. We would never know how deep and how strong we can be. We would never know much we truly value each other to weather life's storms. This is real life.

We had incredibly romantic plans for our fifteenth wedding anniversary. The kind where you get swept away by your knight in shining armor. Those plans had to be postponed, however, because real life happens. Our celebration was still very beautiful to me. Todd gave me a single red rose, which often marked our dating years and our wedding day. We had dinner for two at a charming place and shared our hearts together. How greatly I appreciated how far we've come, the roads we've travelled, and the beauty of delighting in each other right where we are. Even when life isn't all that we want it to be today, even when our hearts hurt, even when our hearts are filled with longing. There is an incredible gift, a divine treasure, in being able to rest right there in the midst of it all. It brought me deep joy to just rest there in simplicity, not needing circumstances to change, profoundly grateful for companionship in hard times.

I am the most blessed woman to be married to the most incredible man. Lest you think I wear glass slippers, though, we have weathered some awful storms. Combat boots would be more appropriate for the spiritual battles at times. But who I am today is largely due to the growing and strengthening God has brought me through because of them. We are not perfect people; we are broken people. Our marriage has been under fierce attack, but it has been the greatest earthly blessing I've known. I am not holding onto a wisp that doesn't even exist; I am being refined by challenges that bring depth and significance. There is no one else on earth I'd want to face it with than my man. This is the real deal.

Over the challenges my heart has faced in the past five months, I have only been more greatly convinced of how huge God is. If He can handle my anguish and despair, and never lose His grip on me -- that He is steady and sure, when I am insecure and weak -- then He is even bigger than I've ever known. He doesn't need me to hold it all together. He doesn't need me to keep up appearances. He doesn't need me to be the steady, consistent one.

In the same way, through these depths we have learned our marriage is not fragile, it is strong. We can enjoy fun and laughter, but also walk together in the dark. We can ride through still waters, but also raging seas. My ideals have faded, but they have been replaced by a grander view than I ever knew possible. This is something to be so deeply grateful for, and of the most infinite worth.

I've weaved together some Sara Groves lyrics from three different songs, but it says well what is on my heart. This is what I believe a Christ-centered marriage to be. Real life, facing our stuff and not denying it, held together by the love and grace of God, and growing together through it all...

There is a love that never fails -- There is a healing that always prevails -- There is a hope that whispers a vow -- A promise to stay while we're working it out -- So come with your love and wash over us. Hold on to me -- I'll hold on to you -- Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through. I believe that you're going to be alright -- I believe that I'm going to be alright -- I believe we're going to be alright. I believe.