A Sacred Doorway

Are we able to slow down and listen? Do we so value the people God has put in our lives that we take the time to listen to what is on their heart?

There is something of great substance and value to me that is very moving to me. It is the concept of being known for who we are apart from what we do. Each time that we seek to hear the heart of another, we are given a gift of a part of that person's soul -- who they are at the very core of them.

This takes effort because so often life is full of business and agendas and facts. So to step into the world of another's thoughts and feelings is foreign territory and we tend to bring a lot of baggage. We hear things through our own insecurities and fears, rather than just seeking to know the one who speaks.

It has occurred to me lately that if I can be secure enough to know who I am, then I am freed up to hear more about who you are and I don't feel lost in it. I won't be hurt or offended by your views because I will see them as separate from me and mine. I can know you for who you are, uniquely you. Scripture references this idea in saying "love your neighbor as you love yourself" -- first we have to know and love ourself before we can be ready to reach out and know and love others.

How many really take the time or effort to know themselves? I think sometimes we miss the depth and the heart of knowing what is inside of us. We quickly move past that to busy ourselves and serve others because we find value and worth in doing something good or accomplishing a lot, and it is too uncomfortable or too much work to find out what is at the core of us anyway. How skilled we can become at glossing over raw places by being busy or even by pouring ourself into good things like Bible Study. I read a devotional this week that said that Bible Study isn't meant for us to escape our problems, but to help us confront and face them. It talked about the worst thing we can do is to refuse to face and feel those things that stir inside of us.

I recently read Rob Bell's latest book where he asked the question, "How can a person mingle with another soul when they are out of touch with their own?" He wrote a series of questions to consider to get to know what is at the core of us. Here's a sampling: "What is frustrating me right now? What am I angry about? No, don't go to the next one, go back. Listen. Reflect. Be honest. Give yourself time. What am I scared of? What am I dreading? What am I anxious about? What concerns me? What am I looking forward to?"

It would be an incredible gift, a sacred doorway to another's soul, to share these things between us. Imagine this that Rob Bell speaks of, "opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, and thoughts, and fears, and future, and hopes, and dreams." Do we dare to know ourselves like that or share ourselves with another? Do we share more than the to-do list or bills or what's on t.v.? How about in our marriages? Or parenting our kids? Or a person God put in our life that we can go deep with and have an authentic relationship that goes beneath the surface?

There have been a few phrases in my counseling that have ministered to my spirit. They have been spoken to me, and I've been so blessed by it that I want to tell these to my sons or daughters, husband or friends. "Tell me about that." "I want to hear..." "Help me understand how that feels for you." Giving someone full freedom to feel the range of emotions without trying to cut them off or fix them. Just letting them pour out what is on their mind and heart.

Know what stirs inside of you and be open to share it with authenticity. Commit to hear and to understand and to see. Only when we invest in authentic relationships will we be able to hear another's heart, enter a sacred doorway to who they are, and begin to understand the intimacy of a shared life.