All I Need

We sang a beautiful chorus in church yesterday...All I need is You, Lord...and as I sang, the words ringing through my heart, I wondered how the meaning of it reached souls in our congregation. It hit me differently than it would have a year ago.

My perspective has drastically changed this year, and I believe it is all for the better. I have been on this pilgrimage with Jesus for some 25 years or so, and in so many ways I feel like I'm just beginning. At certain stops around the bend, I would come to a place where I fully surrendered my life to whatever God had for me. The funny thing is that I thought I did that about 25 years ago.... then again in junior high (don't do the math, it's painful)....and again in high school, college, and marriage and so on. With each new stage and season, I can see new horizons of what God is stretching me for and it feels more and more like full surrender.

I'm learning this year what it means to give Jesus all of me. I used to think it meant that I would go anywhere He wanted me to go and do anything He wanted me to do. I still agree with that. It wasn't until some deep soul searching this year though that I learned I wasn't giving Jesus all of me. I was giving Him the neat and tidy parts. Our culture plays the part well -- to go to church and enjoy the things of God (some good worship music, friendly fellowship, and maybe a good Bible Study or two). It wasn't until this year that I began to realize that to give myself fully to God (or even more fully to my husband or family or friends), I needed to get in touch with what is even inside of me to give. It is somewhat easy to give the "together" side of me that wants to serve and give and love. But what about the part of me that has great fears, deep needs, unmet desires or longings, doubts and questions, despair and anguish, and quite frankly just doesn't look near as good? This is all part of me too. To give Jesus my all means to quit playing church and be able to give Him every thought, feeling, reflection even if it doesn't look the way I may want it to. The amazing thing is that He wants that. He wants me. He loves the humanity He made, or He wouldn't have made us this way. Complex, detailed, with a full range of emotion so that we can experience all of life, fully alive.

That I believe is what it means to give Jesus all of me. But what about the chorus we sang, that He is all I need? I have embraced this idea, so certain that it must be true. In fact, it is sung and written about and taught frequently in Christian circles. I have been taught that Jesus will ultimately meet my needs, and I shouldn't put my faith in people who will ultimately fail me. I think there is a distinction to be made, however, if we really want to embrace what God has designed. God does in fact meet our needs, but how does He choose to do it? Through people. Broken, imperfect people. In God's design, the church needs to rise up and be the church -- we need to be the hands and feet of Christ to one another. We need to open our hearts to learn how to be vulnerable enough to trust people. Certainly we don't throw ourselves with reckless abandon to every person, and we need discernment to know who is trustworthy. But we aren't made to make this pilgrimage alone.

I recently read a few of the articles that described the deep anguish of Mother Teresa's soul through much of her life. Even she, who is so known for her great sacrifice and love, is just as human as the rest of us. Her heart ached and broke, and only a few knew to what degree. As she poured her heart out with great conviction, I wonder if the heart of God grieved for her. That she had given this part of her so faithfully, but she neglected to recognize her anguished soul was very much in need too. The body of Christ needed to surround her, and to be the arms of Jesus to her when she needed to be held and she needed to weep at the deeply troubling things stirring in her and around her. She was broken, anguished in profound despair, but no one came to her rescue to let her cry, doubt, scream, and fear. She needed Jesus, and she had Him -- but she needed Jesus with skin on. The non-invisible kind. It's called the body of Christ. For those who profess faith in Christ, it is you and me.

Back to the chorus -- All I need is You, Lord...is You, Lord...all I need is You. I still think it is a great chorus. But as I reflected on it for awhile, I realized that for it to be true, what we most need is kingdom living. We need to embrace all that Jesus embodies. His kingdom here on earth. Where there isn't just emphasis on churches to save a soul for eternity, but to also save a soul for today. For life. For living this thing called faith out, so that the kingdom of heaven is seen through our words and deeds here on earth. Where the church rises up to be the church -- which means that it reaches out to hurting, broken, sick souls. Not where it looks pretty and actually just keeps people at a distance.

I'm really excited about several books I am reading right now, because all three of them intertwine this concept Jesus had of kingdom living. It is breathing fresh life into my faith because I realize that so often Christianity and religion and church miss out on what Jesus came here for. Jesus is in fact where it is at --- He is in fact all that He claims to be --- we just largely miss out on it. We are either too busy to pay attention to what we say we believe, to check it out with scripture, or we are on auto pilot and we're falling asleep.

I believe it's gonna take some courage -- to reach deep inside of ourselves and give Him everything (even the yuck), and then to reach out to genuinely connect with others. To know ourselves and be known, to know God and share Him more authentically with others. It is all very relational, which can be a difficult thing in a world that is so often burned by people. Only the Spirit of God can accomplish such a deep work, both in us and through us. Indeed we need Him -- but not only Jesus -- everything He contains in His design for a kingdom.