The Promise

My hands were so full it was almost comical. The girls and I were making cookies and candies to share with neighbors and friends. The timer was going off for the cookies in the oven, I had both hands occupied with dipping mini oreos in dark chocolate, when suddenly someone wiggled or bumped, and Emma had a huge glob of chocolate covering her hair and on her white shirt....and the phone rang.

I answered the phone and looked out the kitchen window at the most incredible glowing sky I have seen in a very long time. We've had lots of overcast days, lots of rain, and with the shortest days of the year, much darkness. This sunset was glorious and in an instant the entire backyard glowed in a golden splendor. I was awed at God's handiwork.

The phone call was Erin, on her way home she had seen a full rainbow filling the sky. She wanted to call someone who would appreciate it, and she chose me. Actually, I think God told her to call. I would have missed the rainbow because it was in the front of the house. It was an incredible Christmas gift to my heart.

In our forty days of prayer, soon coming to an end, the longing in our hearts has grown. We are ready for God to show up. We know He will (and in fact He has so frequently), but we are tired of the longing and wondering without answer. Every day the waiting feels prolonged even further. The rainbow is a symbol of the promise. Our Covenant God has not forgotten us, and He will not fail to remember or keep His promise. Praying friends, pray us through. The Christmas story was when the waiting finally reached its end, and the Promise came. Praise God for this indescribable gift!

A Relationship of Trust

I am very drawn to the call of adoption -- puzzled that we didn't even sense it on our radars until God brought it right before our eyes, and awestruck at how God is stirring hearts in the Body of Christ to embrace precious orphans (the least of these to the world, but children of promise to Him) all across the nation. Hearing a story of adoption is like sitting in the front seat for a God-show. It is a miracle in the making.

We received a Shaohannah's Hope newsletter in the mail a few weeks ago. (If you haven't heard of it, Shaohannah's Hope is a grant program founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman to help families with the financial needs of adoption.) I like to read the testimonies of the families who have adopted or are in the process. I really thought that it would just be a warm reminder of our own story, and a faith builder as we watch God in action in the families of others. Instead, my heart was convicted.

The cover story talked about a family who thought they were done having kids. (Sounds familiar already. Lived it.) They had two biological boys and adopted a little girl from China. They thought their family was complete -- until God nudged their hearts. They came up with excuses like being too tired...too old...too poor. But then they took part in 40 Days of Purpose with their church. They realized that being here on earth isn't about us. They were moved by God's heart who had another daughter in mind for them. Their obedience led to blessing, and God was faithful to His call. What seemed insurmountable to them -- finding $16,000 for an adoption -- was inconsequential to God. What mattered to God was a small child in China that needed a family and a home, and the gift of blessing He knew she would be to her new family. God made the way.

This resonated with me because I have given Jesus Lordship of my life. I have to daily surrender to Him, and sometimes even moment by moment. If I truly believe that, it means my life isn't mine. God's heart is bleeding for the least, the last, and the lost -- and He wants us to be a vessel He can use to reach out to them.

In Acts 10, God came to Peter in a vision. God's heart was to reach out to the Gentiles, and He was asking Peter to be a part. The vision seemed to counter Jewish law that forbade Peter to eat certain foods. God told Peter that if He told him to, that's what mattered. The Jews were forbidden to relate with the Gentiles, but God was saying if He told him to, than that's what Peter needed to do. Peter was asked to leave his comfort zone, all he knew to be true and right, everything that made sense -- go -- be obedient to what God asked him to do. Why did He send Peter? Because of the love in His heart for the Gentiles. Do we trust the heart of God to move us? Later when Peter had to defend his actions, he said, "Who was I to think that I could oppose God?"

We wait for God to show up and do the miraculous. We wait for direction or answers to prayer. But from His point of view, maybe He is also waiting. He waits for hearts that will be united with His, bleeding for the broken the way His does, and ready to go forth to make a difference where He wants us to go.

Who am I to think I have a say? Who am I to oppose God?

These are important questions when my heart gets off track. There are times I need to shift my attention or my focus. I want to be like David, where God said, "I have found David a man after My own heart; he will do everything I want him to do." Acts 13:22 I want to take the focus off of me, my desires or wants, and see more of the heart of God and what He wants. Then I want to get on His bandwagon, and stop hoping He will jump onto mine.

Being fully yielded to His way can only come about when we trust the goodness of God. We will never fully understand His ways or His reasoning, but we can trust His goodness. He is working a good and purposeful plan. "He surrounds me with loving kindness and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. Psalm 103:4,5 God loves us, and the will of God is always blessing for its loved ones." Hannah Whitall Smith

Yet even after writing all of this, I'm also left wondering. I'm grappling to understand how things fit together. Somewhere intertwined in this desire to be in God's will is our legitimate heart's desire or who God made us to be. I don't think God randomly chose the family above saying "you have to adopt or else you are outside of My will" or the proverbial lightning will strike or whatever. I also don't see us as nonrelational robots that are to just do what we are commanded when God pushes a certain button.

I see this relationship as being one of trust. We trust God enough to share our heart with Him, and we trust that He will lead in the way that is best for us. Even if we'd miss it, we honor Him in the seeking, and He can work in that. We love Him and we want to please Him, but part of giving Him our heart is sharing our desires or feelings -- not to insist on our own way, or even hope for that, as much as to share who we are and be known. He knows our hearts already, but just like being with my husband, I just want to be with him. He can tell me anything he wants, but sometimes it is just being near him that matters the most to me. Maybe God wants that connectedness from us too. Not because He is lacking but because He is relational. In that inner sanctuary, He can hear our hearts and share more of His with us. We can move forward trusting Him with the next step.

Reborn

The road to success had an abrupt ending. The Veggie Tale dream died. Phil Vischer's daily goal was transformed to simply wait on God. He shared his testimony of what happened through that experience:

Weeks and months passed. Suddenly it struck me, I didn't care anymore. I didn't feel the need to do anything. I didn't need to have any impact at all. My needs were met by the scripture I was reading and the life of prayer I was developing. My passion was shifting from impact to God. It took several months but what I started to feel I can only describe as a sense of giving up, of dying, and it scared me at first because I wasn't sure at first what exactly in me was dying. But then one day it was clear. It was my ambition -- it was my will -- it was my hopes -- my dreams -- my life. I was ready to be done. Ready to rest in Him and let everything else fall away. It was painful, but when it was over, I was reborn. The next step and new ideas came from or were confirmed during a time of waiting on God.

The first year that Todd and I were out of full time pastoral ministry, we were dramatically slowed down. I think that was crucial for us to be able to hear God and allow Him to rework our thinking. We thought ministry was our calling. In our little box of thinking, ministry meant Todd's job as a pastor. The year of being lifted out, though, we came to realize that ministry is everywhere, every day, sharing God's love and presence with whomever God brings in our path. It is being available. Willing. Ready. For anything that He asks.

I can relate to Phil Vischer's testimony. Much of my ambitions, hopes and dreams died that year. But after that painful death, came a new life reborn. One that wants simply to rest in Him, and follow His lead in the smallest of detail. It didn't matter what or where, everything else could fall away save this: cast me not away from Your presence, O Lord, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. I didn't have to do, I just wanted to be His child. The rest is just fluff. I told God He could have me if He wanted me, that I was willing to be used by God, or willing to rest in Him. My identity didn't depend on what I did for Him or what my title was. I was His, and that was enough.

Game plans

"What's the game plan? What are you going to do next?" I've been asked by a few different people what I'm going to do now that I've stepped down as women's ministry champion. I'm guessing they figure since I've left one thing, I must be headed to something else. And yet, they also reason that as a mother of four, I must be so busy that it is better that I simplify where I can.

I come from a rich heritage of project people. We thrive on productivity -- driven and determined to get things done. I don't know how true it is, or where Todd learned this, but he says my family is like sharks -- if we sit still we die. I'm quite certain that my worth for many years was determined by how much or how well I could accomplish. I earned approval by working hard and striving (or should I say pushing?) for my best. In recent years, God has been rooting out that works righteousness, freeing me from a lifetime of bondage. I still love to get things done, but my favorite moments are when I can slow down, read, study, reflect, write, pray.

Churches today want to cast a vision. Todd interviewed at a church after seminary that asked, "How will we know in six months that you have been here?" We emphasize programs, numbers, and results. We make a plan to make it happen. It sounds like a noble goal, to be purposeful, intentional, and headed somewhere. The question is, where? (Do we sometimes hit the ground running, and leave God behind in our dust?)

When Phil Vischer was asked where he wants to be in five years, he said, "In the center of God's will. If I have given Lordship to Jesus Christ, where I am in five years is no business of mine."

Here is what Phil taught on that spoke a powerful, convicting message:

The people of God are a covenant people, a people of the Word. We are not called to be a people of vision, we are called to be a people of revelation. It is not about strategic planning for our vision for our ministries. When people of great faith in the Bible don't know what to do, what God wants for them, they don't "do" anything. They WAIT on HIM.

When the people of God don't have the Word of God, they do whatever is right in their own eyes. Not because we haven't cast our visions large enough or we don't have enough programs, but because we are not focusing the people of God on the Word of God. We need to keep our nose in His Word every day, our knees on the ground in prayer, and be quiet enough to hear His whispers. Without it, we can't be obedient to Him because we won't know what He wants us to do.

Don't confuse the work you do for God with your relationship with God. What is the most important thing? To make God the most important thing. Pursue God. Read His Word and pray. No big agenda. No planning for the next big thing to do. Not getting busy for God. Walk with God, wait on God, and "when God needs someone at a specific time in history to advance His will in a specific way, He knows who to call because He knows who is listening."

This talk that Phil gave affirmed the answer I gave to the ones who asked me what was next. My response was, "I don't know. God hasn't told me yet." No plans. Just a desire to be in the center of His will.

Dreams

A friend recently returned from a conference where one of the speakers was the creator of Veggie Tales, Phil Vischer. He shared of how this crazy idea of armless, talking vegetables sharing God's truths rapidly spread and grew in popularity and became a huge success. More people came on board, enthusiasm was contagious, but quite suddenly it all fell apart. It was a dream that ended far too soon. They prayed it would be saved that God's work would continue. It was the moment they needed God to show up and intervene to keep the work growing that more lives would be touched. But God didn't.

Phil asked this question: "What does it mean when God gives you a dream and He comes and shows up in it, it comes to life, and then without warning the dream dies? What does that mean?"

Isaac was Abraham's dream, his promise, the word God spoke and would surely fulfill. When time felt too long to wait, they intervened with their own game plan, and named him Ishmael. I often pray that God will give us the Isaac, His promise, His best -- and that we wouldn't be too tired of the wait and come up with our own Ishmael.

Just as God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son, the child of promise -- to lay his dream, his gift, on the altar -- so He asks us to give up our dreams too. God is asking us what matters the most to us? Him or our dreams? It's not that He doesn't want to fulfill His promise, or make us suffer in giving up our dreams. But what a fine line we walk when we celebrate the gift more than the gift Giver.

Our church became this to us. It was a place that we loved to be, loved to serve, and so wanted to connect in to relationships and belong. I believe God gave us a great love for the people, and we had great joy in being there. Maybe just maybe, though, it became our dream. The dream job, idealizing the blessings, and finding our identity and need to belong there. We didn't see it that way until God allowed the dream to die. The clarity of vision was worth the pain it caused us. As great as a gift it was to be there, it isn't God. For as much as we need the body of Christ to belong to, our identity and fulfillment to belong is rooted and found in Christ Himself. We are refined by that difference.

A friend once told me that God wants us to be velcro Christians. Able to connect and invest where He has us, but also ready to be pulled out and taken somewhere new. We aren't meant to get too comfortable and settled here, where our priorities shift to our wants instead of His call. What if God says that our purpose in one place has been fulfilled, completed -- are we willing, open, and ready for Him to move us to a new place? Are we more moved by God's heart to go, or are we more determined to stay where we've planted roots?

Phil Vischer said, "Who do you love more? God or your dream? Put your dream, your everything, your way God will use you to change the world, on the altar. Let go of everything but God, and then He can use you."

This is a timely message.

We miss the mark by hoping in the answer that will come, the dream fulfilled, the word spoken -- the promise revealed. I have faith to believe the answer will in fact come, God's plan will unfold, the hidden will be revealed. Forbid it, Lord, that I see that as the gift. You are the Gift. You are our Reward. You are the One that we wait for. Advent means coming or arrival. He has indeed come!

A Refuge for the poor, a Shelter from the storm -- This is our God. He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years -- This is our God. A Father to the orphan, a Healer to the broken -- This is our God. And He brings Peace to our madness and Comfort in our sadness -- This is our God. This is the One we have waited for -- Oh this is our God. A Fountain for the thirsty, a Lover for the lonely -- This is our God. He brings glory to the humble and crowns for the faithful -- This is our God. You are the One we have waited for. You are the One we have waited for. You are the One we have waited for. This is our God. (Chris Tomlin)

We needed some work. Kind of like a quirky car with things going wrong with it, some things even seemingly small (others noticeably large), but in fact any of it could have gotten us into a fatal accident. God in His mercy let our dreams die, so that our dreams wouldn't become our everything. Even in our wait, He has come! He got our attention so that we could see so much more clearly -- He is our Refuge, our Shelter, our Father to the orphan, our Healer of all our brokenness. He alone is our everything! He has done everything He said He would! Hallelujah! Glory to God!

Lessons

It would be great if I could some how connect my mind and my heart to an automatic journal that would just type out whatever I was processing. It is a challenge because I love detail, I love the fuller picture that has so many layers and truths knitted into the tapestry. It's interesting however, because even though I find that to be so rich and full, at the moment all of that just seems to make me feel tired. My head has been spinning too much for too long.

While I had great intentions of blogging several days in a row of the things that God is speaking to me, reality hits, days are full, and my heart overflows to a point that I can't keep up to type it all out. I now find myself slowing down, letting the dross burn off, and finally reflecting on what is left. Maybe that's a good thing. Even though I haven't burned the keyboard with passionate fingers, I have calmed my heart and watched what has settled in place. Sifting through the details, I'm now taking a deep breath, ready to find the best that remains.

Several things came to me in the last week or two: a cd of a conference talk, a newsletter from Shaohannah's Hope, a sermon from Asbury, daily readings in God's Word from my devotional time, and scriptures that I was helping my cousin to prepare for a Bible Study talk. It makes the learning so much more meaningful for me if I tie it in to what God is speaking to my heart personally -- for today, for this season, tangible lessons that speak to my present tense faith.

For more than 18 years, I have wanted to live fully for God. In every major decision I made -- where I went to college, who I would marry, where I would live, what jobs or ministries I would take on -- they were based on what I felt God leading me to do. I'm quite certain that I have at times missed the mark, but I have strived to show God my love by following His lead and serving where He has me.

The trouble is I have often been so driven, so determined to do things, that I have missed out on just being. Even without trying, life in ministry is busy -- whether it is full time pastoral work, or leading a women's ministry as a volunteer. With both of those set aside, I feel freed up to just be for a little while. I can see more clearly that I have had great dreams for God in my desire to serve Him -- but at times I have entangled my own ideas and wants that kept me from embracing His.

If I looked at the connections of all these different things that have come my way, the lesson is not new but it is loud and clear:

Wait on Him.

Let go of everything we hold onto except for Him.

Let God teach us more of His heart, so that His desires become ours.

That's my nutshell of what God is speaking to me. He will show us what is next for us, but for now we can rest in His arms as He makes these lessons so tender to our hearts. This is where we are, fleshing out our faith in the real stuff of life.

Speak Lord!

For about the past five days, it seems that one thing after the next is flooding into my heart. I believe God is speaking, shaping and teaching. He definitely has my attention, and my curiosity is piqued. It has been pretty cool because there are several things that have come my way that I haven't even sought out. I am seeking God, praying with much honesty, vulnerability, and surrender. But I haven't been digging, striving, or working. I've been waiting. In the next few days, I want to post about what some of these things are, and hopefully in writing them out it will help me take it in. I'm just awed because it all came to me, no effort of my own, and they are all speaking the same message.

For now, I just want to post a few lyrics from a Steven Curtis Chapman Christmas song.

For the God who spoke is speaking still. And the God who came still comes. And the miracle that happened still happens in the heart that will believe and receive the miracle of Christmas.

So come to Bethlehem again and see, the One who's come to rescue us, our Savior and King, bring your past, the joy, the sorrow, all your hope to find tomorrow, and hear the words again, fear not, and know that God is near.

For any who feel led to pray with us through this forty days, know that we are so very grateful! I believe God is speaking, and He is stirring something in our hearts. Pray us through!